Major Headache
by TheMcgabster
Summary: Tsuna wakes up one morning and finds he can hear his gaurdians thoughts, and apparently a squirrel. Thinking he can use his new found gift as an advantage he keeps it to himself. Until, he realizes just how much he doesn't know about his sick minded gaurdians and finds out secrets he'd be more then happy to erase from his mind FOREVER. T for language and naughty thoughts
1. Chapter 1

**hey y'all, long time so see/write! anyway im gonna _make_ this short and let yall carry on. but review when u reach the end of the story and such. **

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_**NOISE. ANGRY NOISE.  
COME ON BOY. COME ON COME ON.**_

Tsuna opened one eye and stared at a squirrel that sat on the ledge of his window, staring straight at him. Tsuna sat up fully and looked around to see who had spoken to him.

**_STUPID BOY. COME ON. COME ON. STUPID STUPID. NUTS._**

There it was again! Tsuna whipped his head back and forth and only saw Reborn sleeping in his hamoc.

"What the hell!?" Tsuna squeaked thinking it was all a nightmare.

_**I HOPE THAT BASEBALL FREAK HASN'T BEAT ME TO TSUNA'S HOUSE AND-FUCK THERE HE IS  
**_

Gokudera? Tsuna cocked his head to the side, he sounded like he was standing outside the house, and right at that moment the doorbell rang, _I have a feeling thats Yamamoto and Gokudera. _Tsuna slipped on some clothes before nervously stumbling downstairs.

**_Hahaha there's Gokudera! wow he looks angry I wonder why? haha oh well!_**

That most be Yamamoto Tsuna thought as he opened the door and sure enough his friends were standing there in their school uniform.

"Ready to go Tenth!" Gokudera gave him a thumbs up and all three began making their way to school. At first all he heard was silence and Tsuna visible relaxed, thinking it was only a phase, that is until a distinct voice erupted in his head.

**_Woah, haha, Tsuna's mom sure did look hot today!_**

Tsuna stared wide-eyed at Yamamoto who had a smile on his face like any other day, showing no signs what-so-ever what he was thinking or even acknowleding it. WHAT WAS GOING ON!

**_WOW Tenth sure does look mighty fine today, did he do something with his hair? I'll have to take a sample of it later._**

Tsuna squirmed nervously between his friends as their thoughts kept bombarding him over and over again. THIS IS INSANE. Tsuna knew he should tell someone but, for some reason, he didn't want to. If he wanted to he could even use this to his advantage but he was still skeptical, what if it got out of hand?

As they neared the school he noticed that as other kids passed by he couldn't hear anything from them, silence.

**_Can they dig it? GGIIIRRRLL please are you for real?_**

Tsuna turns around and see's Ryohei jogging past and running to the school. Is that his chant for running? What the heck? Tsuna thinks as he watches Ryohei.

**_I DARE you to piss me off, I still have plenty of places to hide bodies._**

Tsuna's skin crawls as he spots Hibari watching a group of kids about to vandalise the school. Oh...shit.

"WHATS GOING ON?!" Tsuna yells out loud and stops. both Gokudera and Yamamoto jump beside him, taken off guard.

"Woah Tsuna are you ok?

**_Maybe he's acting weird because I accidentally used his toothbrush to wash off my cleates after a baseball game that one time..._**

"Do you have a fever Tenth?"

**_I heard Sex can get rid of a fever...Maybe I should call my stripper Brandi...hmm.._**

Tsuna stared in horror at his friends standing before him, gagging from what Yamamoto had done with his toothbrush that he had just used that morning.

"NO NO NO! Yamamoto you owe me a new toothbrush and I definetly DO NOT need a stripper!" Tsuna grabs his head and bolts back the way they came to his house and leaves his red faced friends behind. If any one would know what was going on, it was Reborn, he may even be behind this whole nightmare of a day.

**_Where is that Herbivore going? Has he always had that nice looking ass? Damnit no, horny hibari is NO MORE! those days are over. Get yourself in check. _**

Tsuna screams again as Hibari's last thought erupts through his head like a knife, he picks his pace up.

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**Sorry for the short chapted but please review on what things that characters would be most likely thinking. also review if you want this to be more of a drabble story. yay!**


	2. Chapter 2

**woah woah woah! That short chapter took a BIG hit! I got love for you all like WOE! sorry if this chapter is short! **

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_**BOY BOY! I WANT YO NUTS! COME ON, GET UP. NUTS.**_

"GAWD DAMNIT WILL YOU SHUTUP SQUIRREL!" Tsuna threw a pillow at the animal who stared at him like yesterday morning.

**_OUCH BOY...OUCH HURT. THAT HURTS MY NUTS._**

Tsuna glared at the squirrel until it jumped off the ledge. He sat up and looked at the hamoc that swayed there, empty. Yesterday he had literally crashed threw his front door, surprising his mom and Bianchi but Reborn was no where in the house, not even in his hamoc anymore. All that was left was a note on his pillow that read:

_fears are nothing more then the state of mind_

In which Tsuna had angrily ripped up and threw away before locking himself in his room.

Now he lay awake, should he confront someone about this? Tsuna decides to take a walk into town to think. Pulling on some clothes he slips out the front door before his mom can see. As he leaves the house the squirrel jumps on the mailbox.

**_HURT MY NUTS. I AIN'T GOT NO NUTS._**

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Tsuna once again thanked the heavens that he couldnt only hear the thoughts of anyone who wore the vongola ring. Walking around town helped clear out his head a little, that is until, he spotted white hair.

**_hey gurrl, wanna take a ride on my-no? alright fuck you to._**

Tsuna hid behind a street vendor as he watched Gokudera talk to a girl who abrutly started walking the other way.

**_YOU JUST GOT DENIED BITCH! Hey...isn't that that girl I accidentaly hit with my baseball bat and put her in a coma for a month? _**

Tsuna watched Yamamoto walk up to Gokudera.

Oh no no no no no, thought Tsuna as he quickly started walking behind a family so they obscured his friends view from him as he scurried away.

A few blocks away he kept getting weird looks from the dad so he jumped out behind them, only to run into another member.

**_i'm only 70% sure that Chiksu lied to me when he said tampons are for women and men, because this thing is WAY TO FAR UP THERE!_**

Tsuna stared in horror as Mukuro and Chrome bought some icecream from a vendor, he gave a little wiggle of his behind and a grimance graced his face.

**_SHIT! HOW DO I BREATHE AGAIN!?... ok I got it down for sure this time, damn these hand-me-down organs. oh hey is that Tsuna?_**

Tsuna squeaked and ran away as Chrome looked his way.

**_Hm.. Hm.. Hm ..DAYUM boy, look at DEM LEGS GO! oh fuck me sideways GET YOURSELF IN CHECK! Your days as a stripper are OVER, it's bad enough I had to change my name to 'brandi'_**_ (ha! doesn't that name ring a bell? Hint go back to chapter 1)_

That's it! i'm gong back home! I should have known I was safer with the squirrel. By now Tsuna knew he HAD to keep his new gift a secret, if everyone found out he knew their thoughts then they'd kill him for sure, Vongola boss or not Vongola boss. Tsuna had no idea this is what they really thought on a regular basis! Just as Tsuna was about to leave downtown a faint, new voice erupted in his mind making him stop.

**_Dame-Tsuna, your gift was given for a reason._**

"Reborn?!" Tsuna called out through the crowd. Out of the corner of his eye he saw the flicker of green tail of Leon go into a nearby alley. Making a hasty bee-line Tsuna stumbles into the Alley. Reborn was gone, and he had a sinking feeling that he wouldn't be at the house that night either.

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**WOAH! talk about a another chapter huh? I HAVE A QUESTION: Should Tsuna be able to hear the Varia's thoughts to? cause I wanna put them in the next chapter. hahah thanks ya'll! and review!**


	3. Chapter 3

Tsuna woke up with a pounding headache. And no, it wasn't because of that damn squirrel. The first thought to pop up in his mind didn't belong to him.

___**HEllS FUCKING YEAH SHARK WEEK IS ON! time to sit back, relax and- VOIMIGAWD THERE'S MY DAD! The great motherfucken white.**_

Tsuna sat straight up in bed and listened. He could hear the distinct sound of his living room TV playing the theme song of shark week. Please please let this be a nightmare! He willed himself to think over and over again.

Being careful not to make any sounds he slipped on some clothes before venturing downstairs. Judging by the way Lambo wasn't crying in his head his mom and everyone else must be out of the house running errands.

as Tsuna was about to slip past the bathroom he heard the toilet flush behind the door and he hurriedly slipped into bianchi's room, but not before hearing who was inside.

**_Jesus christ. Taco Bell. never again. That's the last time Bel-sempai challenges me to a Doritos loco's tacos eating contest. _**

Tsuna hears Fran washing his hands and continues his descent to his stairs. making it to the bottom he can see Squalo's white head moving left and right, following the swimming sharks on the screen.

As Tsuna passes by the window he does a double take. There, on his front lawn sits Lussuria in ALL HIS GLORY. And seems to be sun bathing as random strangers pass by and shield their child's eyes.

**_oh my~ these ultra-violent rays just feel FABULOUUUUSSS on my skin~! There's no way Bel can resist me!_**

_speaking of Bel, Tsuna hears someone walking around upstairs before hearing the creak of a door opening and closing._

**ushishsih, this must be the little pheasant boys room. Now what do we have here? Ushish, play boy magazines? Ushish, I'll be taking those along! But not before ripping up all his bed sheets and putting lussuria's used condoms in his sock drawers!**

Tsuna can feel his face getting red so he crouches behind some furniture and making his way towards the kitchen while silently humming the mission impossible theme song to himself.

As he nears the kitchen he can hear two voices yelling, one belongs to Levi and the other, of course belongs to non other then Xanxus himself.

"I'm sorry boss but all they have is white wine" Levi said which was responded by a roar that only a lion could be proud of.

**_AM I IN GAWD DAMN AA MEETING?! WHERE THE FUCK IS JAKE FROM STATEFARM BECAUSE I WANT A DAMN ATTORNEY FOR THIS SHIT! no alcohol ? There's no fucking way I'm staying in this hell hole for even a day! Fuck that shit! The brats coming with us! _**

suddenly the table the Tsuna was attempting to get around wobbled and the vase sitting on it toppled over and shattered into thousands of little crystals. Everything seemed to happened in the slow motion. Tsuna could see squalo turn his head in slow motion a scowl slowing enveloping his features and Lussuria running in slow motion towards his house IN ALL HIS DAMN GLORY and Tsuna cringed and turned away. And as he turned away a cloth was placed over his face and his world began to fade into darkness. The last thing he heard was ironically not his own thoughts.

**_oh shit...I think that's the same cloth I used in the bathroom because there wasn't any toilet paper..._**

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so I hope u liked this chapter! Review what you think the varia is kidnapping Tsuna for! How exciting right?! I do hope u know Lussuria was naked in this whole chapter! Review please!


	4. Chapter 4

iOn** a side note, I deleted some of the chapters if you haven't noticed since I had no idea what I was doing. so im just gonna continue on from chapter 3. don't worry nothing drastic. so yeah! **

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It seemed like the throbbing pain in Tsuna's head droned out the voice of that damn squirrel as it scuttled to and fro on the windowsill, angrily throwing its acorns at the window.

_**CANT TAKE MY NUTS BOY. NOPE. NOT THESE NUTS. I KNOW YOU WANT ME. NOPE. BOY. BOY**_

It only then that it dawned on Tsuna that he was back in his bed, of course the Varia had trashed his room and most likely the rest of the house too but he didn't care. He was getting real tired of his new found gift. If only Reborn was here to explain this to him. Reluctantly, he eyed the empty hammock in the corner. Still gone.

"I don't supposed _you _know anything about this do you?" Tsuna asked the squirrel.

Said Squirrel suddenly stopped and leaned into the glass pane, its nose squished against the glass, staring intently. Tsuna's heart hammered against his chest, was the squirrel about to tell him something important?

**_I KILL PEOPLE...MOSTLY GIRLS._**

Then it left.

Tsuna face palmed and fell back against his bed sheets. Grabbing a pillow he held it to his face and screamed until his voice gave out.

"I hate everything" Tsuna moaned.

"Is that you Tsuna?"

Tsuna sat up.

"Gokudera?" Tsuna asked, pulling a t-shirt over his head.

"yeah! I heard you weren't feeling well so I came over to make you breakfast. You like Omelets?" Gokudera yelled up.

"Yeah!"

"Good" came Gokudera reply, but just as he said that, Gokudera's thought erupted in Tsuna's head.

_**GOOD. OMELET YOU SUCK THIS DICK.**_

"NEVERMIND GOKUDERA I'M NOT HUNGRY!" Tsuna yelled down quickly, he groaned. It was gonna be one of those days.

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After Tsuna convinced Gokudera that he wasn't hungry for breakfast, Gokudera decided that fresh air would do him good and that is how Tsuna found himself staring at Ryohei as he jogged past him with a McDonalds cup in his hands.

_**This McDonalds McCoffee is McFuckin McShit. All the McSugar is at the McBottom  
of the McFuckin McCup. Now my McMorning is McFuckin McFucked.**_

Tsuna choked on his spit.

"Did you hear that?" Tsuna asked as Ryohei jogged away.

"Hear what Tenth?" Gokudera asked.

Tsuna shook his head "Nothing"

Tsuna felt bad from keeping such a big secret from his right-hand man, but he still couldn't get himself to confess.

Just then Hibari and Kusakabe turned a corner and started to walk by them, just as Hibari was walking past Tsuna he eyed Tsuna up and down.

**_I'M GONNA FUCK THAT_**

Tsuna sweatdropped and picked up his pace.

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As Tsuna and Gokudera neared the towns shopping area and Tsuna saw chrome walking out with Mukuro from an ice-cream shop.

_Surely chrome cant have any bad, rape-related thoughts _ Tsuna thought was he neared the duo.

**_Dear Diary, I was sitting next to my crush in school the other day and I started smiling  
in the middle of our quiz so he tapped me and whispered "haha whats so funny"  
and I said "ha nothing" but really I was thinking about bouncin on that dick._**

"I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE!" And with that Tsuna ran away from the towns people as fast as he could.

"Tenth wait! Do you like lions!?"

"Yes! why?" Tsuna yelled back.

**_BECAUSE IN A MINUTE IMA BE LION MY BALLS ACROSS YO CHIN_**

"NEVERMIND I DONT LIKE LIONS!" Tsuna yelled as Gokuder'a last thought echoed through his mind.

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The sun had just slipped past the horizon when Tsuna finally made it home, having to take D-tours to escape meeting his gaurdians.

Just as Tsuna pushed through his front gate and familiar yet far away voice echoed in his head and he had to strain to hear.

**_Just what kind of secrets...do your guardians hold dame-Tsuna?_**

"Reborn!?" Tsuna yelled, turning every which way, but of course Reborn wasn't there and Tsuna knew in the back of his mind that he wouldn't be here tomorrow either.

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**please review! Makes me update faster! so i'm trying to decide which guardian will have what sick-twisted secret, having so much fun with this. BTW BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH? yeah im gonna hit that shit hard. ANYWAYYYY review please! **


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